what you say, what you do

They say words are weak
so it don't matter what you speak.
I believe in the power of words
said with honesty and confidence
said with passion and prudence.
They're notes of what the heart sings
When it reaches the ear that listens
it's a water droplet that glistens
the lighted spectrum of the skies
after a rainy storm which cries.

They say words are weak
So it don't matter what you speak
That in itself is a twisted critique
It keeps you low, so far from the peak.
it clips the wings that words will bring
back to you; all the things for you
words that ring true will do...

at the moment

He said "You make me smile" and told me I'm always a surprise. I was the first girl he ran into in the foreign place. He said I'm remarkable, and I talk in run-on sentances. I asked too many questions and it made him laugh. I don't know what I was to you but I guess I'll never know. I don't expect much but I didn't expect the absence of your words for so long. You're hard to reach and at first there was your voice, vivid and alive. Yet distant, still unreal. Then you disappear, you fade fast without goodbye. Honestly I'm tired of you constantly invading my mind, attacking me with words you've said before. Honestly I've only wanted to be friends, like I'd told you- I don't know where to go from here and I wish I didn't have to choose between walking away or holding on this way. I barely know you enough to say I know you. You were sweet and light spirited, childlike yet different. I wish these things could come across to you as a compliment some day, but the likeliness of such a thing is negative percent. See, I'm not a pessimist, but you've turned my hopes down. I won't allow myself to keep my eyes fixed on the ground; but the way I tried, the way I risked, the way I dove into the unkown- that day I sparked up a conversation.. the way I was then will be kept in the past till I'm through the confusion. For now, I'll talk to this wall, and keep myself from frustration. I only wonder what's going through your brilliant little mind, I only wish you'd be a bit more present in a world that connects to mine. If you remain a mystery, a broken bridge in history, then I only wish you the best for what's to come- and one day, that you remember me simply for the little things.

Elevator.

Whoever's next. Whether we go up or down- I will not hesitate.
Once he cupped his hand around my face.
Once he stepped in purposely just to blurt a simple compliment.
I ignore you all because I feel like a dumb and childlike doing anything about your sweet gestures.
I've never really been the childlike type of girl, never been the one to ask for attention that way.
never been the loud and obvious type, never been the one to pull ones like you back.
Sorry I should've known, because now I remember and see what it could've been
and sorry I let you go, because I was waiting for you to take more steps than me
Next I don't know how long it will be.
Maybe weeks, maybe months.
Just for those few seconds.
But whether we go up or down- I will not hesitate/

Wanting to throw something across the room, watch the wall crack, and the object shatter it to pieces.

My little sister.
Accuses me of something wrong to defend my offended brother.Yells at me like a mother.
He calls me a dumbass, and she does not give a care. Typical. Makes me so mad.

whether you say you can or can't, you're probably right.

Uncertainty

I don't know what you are meaning when you shy away. I can't tell if you're avoiding me, motivated by discomfort that is fond or of shame.
I assumed for a moment that I've no clue, and I shouldn't stick a label on you.
But a while later I grew impatient and let my insecurity get the better of me.
So inside I was tangled up and hurt, thinking of all the worst-
 that you cared so little of me that you'd decided to treat me like dirt.
 But I couldn't kick you out the box, out the center focus of my mind-
 I couldn't walk away for my own sake.
The question kept spinning and screaming inside:
 "How could a person be such a way, and you, out of all that I know?," because I hated to doubt you so.
And now, I'm back to square one, reminding myself not to jump so soon. Not to fall so fast.
I can fall into his smile or fall on my own face feeling a cold bitter trace, but no, don't let yourself fall.
Stand your ground, and don't assume what you don't know.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

conversational.

Bestie: Why so tired?

Me: lack of sleep last night. Had a bit of a breakdown and after crying some I needed to put my mental state to rest so I took a long nap and woke up at an awkward time. Stayed up till 2AM and woke up at 4AMish to go running. 

Bestie: Wow.

hey I gtg finish working but I'm praying for you girly

 

(Me: wouldn't it be wonderful if we had something to spark us on to the next day and keep our fires going inside so when an emotional blizzard hits it won't freeze up or numb the rest of you :P)

If this twisted hope was a bird I'd like to shoot it down.

That feeling of being pushed from the back onto the ground.
The noise in your soul clashing together too loud
That feeling of having been slapped in the face,
afraid for what may be maybe won't be replaced
So frustrated, heavy-weighted. Must throw up all that's inside,
but eat the whole world; till what's gained chokes my pride.
Wanting to walk until the ugly view, the hopeless you is gone
Out of sight, out of mind, out of my broken pieces.
Or crawl into a box of black, gemmed and tied in laces.

I just stay here.

Those words
I'll always be there
Those words
best friends, forever
Those words
trust me it's okay
Those words
I won't walk away
Those words
I won't let you down
Those words...
But you turn around.
You turn away
you don't stay
the words fade
as I linger and wait
in a sunless shade.
I hate saying "too late"
for you to get back
my trust but I must
hang on to...
Those words.
Because you..
remain alive within
the heart that's been worn thin
carrying the past and the perhapses.

A story to tell

Would you care for history?
What is of someone's dark past?
Would you sit and stay for me
when around us all spins fast?
Would you listen with patience
by the firelight burning bright
Would you sit, to stay, to stay-
be hands that hold, night or day?
If the piled sticks stopped burning,
a heavy rain starts pouring,
would you sit and stay today.
to listen through, all the way?

Behind this broken smile

Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all.  ~Emily Dickinson


Behind this broken smile
There is a messy pile
of pages written and torn
taped together and adorned
in glitter, dried petals, and paste
her heart is a restless place

Behind this broken smile
is a wish wanting for a while
for you to stay longer than short
like the past many and more
that are to walk away later
but heartbreak is not heartshatter

Behind this broken smile
she's still a hopeful child
still her pieces remain, and pain
will not push her love over
to a brittle heart that's bitter.
Her battle will continue through
the doubts, noise, and You.

Whatever she has and will lose
is the cost of her stubborn refuse
to walk away just as they've done
for if she does, she'll lose the sun.

piece of my past before he faded away

Your wods sparkle up inside of me
when it feels like I'm stuck in a black box
Your words, they light up that pitch dark.
Night sky, dressed in twinkles of the eye
What you see and speak of me
makes withered hopes and dragging days
transform into a beauty, you say my soul's pretty
I'd say they're lies and push you aside
but when you say, girl, pick up your pride,
you brought me to life what had once almost died
because your faith in me is real
that's what my feelings feel
there are no signs saying don't coss that line
for the first time in a long while...

Moment for life

More alive than ever
More myself than ever
More in love than ever
My heart has never beat steadier
My feet have not been lighter
Stay, darling stay with me
These words I need not say
for this feeling is not fleeting
It used to be hidden within
it's out now, and won't run away.