Against Stereotypes.

Sunday. Church.
What did I learn? Nothing new.
What did I realize? Many things.
Typically me. Constantly being reminded of things and realizing what's been stored in the back of my mind for some time. The storage there is a mountainous pile, there's lots to pull out and read through.
So why do I feel uncomfortable, unbelonging, and somewhat broken in a church?
Fingers can be pointed at the obviouses. The community and atmosphere, my lack of faith, etc.
But it's actually, I found, about me and God. And my strong feelings against stereotypes. So I could say, it's also about the people and culture. I've grown up in church all my life, and always been told I'm a lovely, angelic, good-hearted precious child. That's nice, but...but what? I don't know, it's so..black and white. I'm more of a grey, a gunmetal grey with chunks of black, sparkles of white, and other misfitting colors like dirty brown and baby blue. It's not always pretty, nor straightforward and pure. In fact, I'm quite a mess- like a human. I do, I have a love for God and he's done much for me in life. There's no doubt there's none as great, loving, forgiving, and knowing as he is. He's my friend, mentor, and father. But I'm sick of the stereotype of what 'good' 'christian' 'God' 'Jesus' 'loving' 'church' 'worship' etc. is all about...where's the brokeness and honesty? Who's gonna be real with it and admit we are simply who we are? Simply people, trying and struggling in relationships with God and people because the world's got lots to offer and bring us down? I know for myself that I prefer to do more for myself than what God wants me to do. I prefer to keep my guards up and stay within my comfort zone, as much of a daring, bold, crazy, adventerous soul I try to be. My friends and family will tell me that I am, but I don't have the courage to run after God because of my pride. Well I have to go now and attend another service for New Years..tata for now.