When trying gets too hard.

"Where there's a will, there's a way..." "They never said it was going to be easy..."
There's a mountain, packed with doubts and failures, on my back. I feel broken and worn, but I have to keep moving. What I really mean is, I struggle with many things. I know I'm not the only one, we all do..But the biggest issue that sets me apart from the majority (an assumption) is that many of my struggles keep me from trying to climb out of the dump. It's hard to get off my seat, when my heart is saying she wants to run free, dance on light toes, and sing like the birds, something rooted deeper inside blocks my way from doing what I want to do. They say, if you want what you do enough, you'll get out and do it. So is it that I don't want the changes I desire to a sufficient extent? I am an ironic perfectionist who desires to have things 'perfect' in my own way; the irony lies in the fact that I do not actually climb towards those standards. That does not go to say that I do not work towards the standards, because I do. Except I constantly trip, fall, sit, and let myself tumble back down the slope I'd worked up because I feel so weak. This is when I go "!@#$%^&* ugh.....". But I won't give up because even if the plotted graph of my effort vs progress may be a hot mess, that doesn't mean it will always be that way. The thing about hope is, sometimes you just have to hang on to it even when it seems illogical and stupid. Because it's what you need. It's all you can do to bring light to today and tomorrow.